Beautiful memories

I want to write because I forget everything.  Memories fade fast and I can't get them back. 

This weekend, Daniel came over on Saturday.  We talk every day, but it is strange that when I see him, I am shocked that he is real.  Like it is hard to believe, or something.
We stayed home Saturday evening.  D. made dinner and we watched TV for a while.  After that, we went to bed.
We had some fun in bed.  I missed Daniel, he feels like we belong. 

During the night, I kept waking up and scooting closer to him.  I love to eel his arms around me, or I turn around and hold him.  In the morning, I love seeing his sleepy eyes looking at me as if I was an angel, or a mirage.  He will lay there and we just watch each other.  He runs his fingers through my hair and just keeps doing it.  I can feel so much love in his touch, in his eyes.  I need to remember this when I feel unsure.

On Sunday morning, after laying in bed like that and just talking a little about nothing, we got up.  I made breakfast.  Later that day, D. had to go to the V.,  He had volunteered to cut some wood for them.  I had spoken to him about it Friday night.  I told him in this case, Daniel and I can stay home for a bit, and then meet him at the V later.  We have not had time alone in a long time.  probably over a year. 

I have been afraid that he has been getting bored of sex, because it is usually the same.  Kind of like "married sex" now.  I knew in the back of my mind, that things would be different if we were home alone.  But not so sure when it comes down to being here in reality. 

I didn't have much expectations, but I figured it would be awesome to be able to let lose.  To feel free to feel it all and not have to be quiet and have to contain myself. 

Sex was incredible!  I started on him, to get him warmed up.  I thought he wasn't liking it much, but he was.  He took his turn.  I felt comfortable and was able to not get jumpy.  He took the top, and I thought that would be it.  But he teased me and teased me, I was almost in tears.  He then started, and was driving me out of my mind.  I felt like I would burst any minute.  When I thought he was done, he had me turn over.  That just made me feel high and a little lost.  Felt like I was in another reality.  I made a lot of noise.  When I scream during sex, it feels like my soul is about to leave my body through my mouth.  It helps relieve a lot of stress, frustration and any pain I might have been carrying.  When he was ready, he growled more than I have ever heard him do before.  I felt like I was truly in a whole other reality, feels like you are dropping, took my breath away.  I could connect to his feelings and it was crazy.  When we were done, we were exhausted, and I love how my hair gets all messy and falls over my face as I watch him try to catch his breath.  I remember lately, one time when Daniel was watching me after, asked if I was ok, and moved my hair, to make sure he could see that I was ok.  Those small details make me feel loved, I mean real love, not just words.

After that, we went out for a few drinks.  Daniel kept asking i I was ok, said I seemed like I had a lot on my mind.  I said no, actually nothing is on my mind, it got wiped out.  I felt wiped out, as if we had, had playtime.  I was crashing after the adrenaline rush, felt like blank.. 

Last night, we just slept, and woke up at like 5am.  He was already awake.  We cuddled for a couple of hours.  I love how he plays with my hair, and when the sun started lighting up the room a bit, I could see him.  Cuddles are amazing, I enjoy every bit of it, because it is one moment when I feel loved and safe.  Just for that moment, and I can rest happy.   Sometimes we talk a bit, sometimes we just cuddle.  This morning I liked curling up close to him, facing him.  My face on his chest, under his chin, made me feel small and beautiful.  Nor sure why..

When he left, it suddenly seemed to dawn on me, that he has been coming to see me for years.  Who does that?  I have never had someone go out of their way like that before.  It is crazy!  I hope I make him as happy as me makes me feel.  I know we had some big issues, and I am still trying to get through that.  But seeing him like this helps.  I can see the love in his eyes, and feel his touch.  He will just lay there and touch my back, my face, just softly and lovingly, for a long time.  Things like that can't be faked.

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